Question:
I pose is which is the greater stressor, to enter
into another relationship or to be without one. There are definitely
stressors in any relationship. How severe probably depends on the
amount of love present. It also depends on how much pathology is
present. And when you are bipolar as I am that also enters into the
picture. I once said that if I found someone interested in me and that
knew I am bipolar, I would wonder why? A lot of us are not easy to
relate to no matter how stabilized we might be.
Obviously there are stressors of other kinds when you don't have a
relationship, especially when this lasts a long time. They are present
when you choose not to enter into a relationship also. There are all
kinds of things such as feelings of worth or non worth, of self
esteem. To quote my departed mother, "And what will the neighbors
think?" After all, life changes when you separate or divorce. I have
found that people that have been friends no longer have time for you.
Often people lean to one mate or the other.
Answer:
it's probably too simple, so I'll qualify it. I heard a line from a
movie which went:
"it takes a hell of a man to be better than no man at all"
I think that goes for women too. but judgement of good and bad is all
still subjective.
also, the new view of stress is that it's a motivator and so it can be
good as well as bad a good relationship might have more stress than no
rel. but the stress can be positive.
After my separation for my 2nd husband (yikes! I wonder how many of "us" have
been married/lived with someone more than once), except for an extremely
brief hypomanic fling for which I am not proud, I was without a relationship
(or a date for that matter) for almost two years. It was good for me. Then
I met someone wonderful, and we have been seeing each other for almost two
years. The first year was difficult -- I was ill off and on, and my
diagnosis of depression was changed to bipolar; he didn't understand and felt
he couldn't help; I broke things off briefly three times (hypo again I think)
-- but these past few months, our relationship has been very stable even when
I have NOT (and that's been often). He is a great source of support to me.
I've been separated for a year and a half. We don't divorce because we're
actually terrific friends and allies, just doomed intimate life partners. We
share a wonderful 11-year-old daughter. My ex sees a woman. I don't see
anyone. I did, but the guy was dishonest about being monogomous. I'd much
rather be lonely alone, than burning in the fires of badrelationshiphell.
I don't even want to look at the trail of broken hearts I left because
I'd get into a dysphoric hypomanic tail spin and not want to subject
anyone to my mood. Or needing freedom in a euphoric mood. I've got far
too many ex's out there.
I have never been with the same guy for more than a year and a half. It
seems to be impossible for me to do. I always feel like I am trapped
and have to get out or be destroyed.
I've never been able to manage long alone either. I guess whatever
situation I was in always felt wrong somehow, but of course it would
when the wrongness comes from within. Newness almost always throws me
into euphoric hypomania so that's probably why I have to switch partners
so often and try periods of single life.
