Question:
Every long holiday weekend my husband gets it into his head that he's
going to just start chucking every thing he sees into recycling or into
a box for Goodwill without even looking at what he's chucking.
PLEASE send thoughts this way that he'll just enjoy the weekend and I
can sort through stuff before he gets to it.
- Rebecca (counting the hours until Monday morning when I just have the
three kids to deal with for Spring Break)
Answer:
Go find the things that are the most valuable to him and chuck them
into the recycling/donation boxes right in front of him - look for the
stuff he really cares about like family heirlooms and so on.
If he says a word, make the connection between him not bothering to
look at things he's chucking and how they may be important.
Hoping the weekend was stress free for you Rebecca!
It mostly was until Sunday night. The kids' three plastic Easter
baskets were on the kitchen counter and he said "what are we going to
do with these? We can't recycle them because they have a number 5 on
the bottom." I said, "oh, the kids still have their Easter candy in
them. Uh, I guess when we're done with them, we can give them to
Goodwill." He said, "Goodwill wouldn't take these!" (You can tell he
never shops at Goodwill) I said, "Are you kidding? They're brand new.
I see lots of baskets at Goodwill." and then we just kind of stopped
discussing it. Sometimes I can just get a sense of when he's just
looking for something that will be the start of an argument about
what's bothering him. He can take almost ANY topic and make it come
around to what he's wanting to vent about. Sometimes if I say, "okay,
that's a different topic; do you want to talk about that now?" he'll
insist that it's perfectly in line with what we were discussing.
Here's a big example: Last night I was bemoaning the fact that
California just passed a law that kindergarten isn't optional anymore;
mandatory school age is now 5 instead of 6. Kindergarteners already go
all day instead of half-days and it got my husband an opening to say
how we are lucky to be in a Californian environment because in other
parts of the country, we could be part of a community that expects the
husband to be treated like a king and the wife would have to do every
bit of the housework and I'd be scrubbing the walls while he was off
fishing with his buddies.(This was right after he had put some dishes
away so I think he was looking for an opening to complain about
chores). I got him to realize that it didn't have to be an
all-or-nothing situation and it ended with him saying, "I'll have to
think about that." But at least the weekend is done.
I think I would have asked him where exactly he was thinking of? Perhaps one
of those polygamy communities? I think his problem is he already thinks he
is king.
Why can't his family be traced back? Do you think that lack of roots might
be behind his lack of attachment?
I think you are right about his family. When you have a living room that is
actually "lived in" you can't expect to have it looking like a showhome. I
once went to the home of someone with whom I worked and their home had been
a display home. They had purchased a lot of the decor items from the
builder. It looked quite silly. The woman even had her dining room table all
I second that-- the kid descriptions were awesome-- no money can ever match
that image....and you seem like a sweet caring gal-- probably qualities
in which DH was attracted to you in the 1st place-- qualities he may have
never experienced before...I does DH get lots o'flack from HIS sterile
family about your homey environment -- and cannot muster the energy to stand
up for what is right although deep down he knows and really wouldn't want
it any other way....I am hoping anyway that I am correct...
