Stress Anger

Question:

BPD,APD,Stress,Anger,Rage,Peace,Calm,Paranoir,Irritable ... ?

Answer:
This pretty much describes the way I am BPD,APD,Stress,Anger,Rage,Peace,Calm,Paranoir,Irritable,MemoryLoss,Poor Health. Since January after significanteventin whichI was threatened in theworkplace by a Colleague I have lost myself completely in inner rage in which I can no longer tolerate people, I pick upon the slightest slight or hint of intimidation or anger. I respond quite angrily to people and Im in a mindset that does not want a win/win situation. I want outcomes!! I want the people who have fucked up my life to pay. I have been a shift worker for 4 years up to February this year. My health gradually deterioated ofthe last 2 yrs. I have a heart disease, skin disease, and am suffereing allergies like theres no tomorrow. I have recently undergone surgery which (from the anesthetic) has left me with something called Trigeminal Sensory Neuropathy, I was forced to go to a psychiatrist andtold I had a generalised anxiety disorder, the psychologist who I was seeing voluntarly suggested I had a lot more than that. I was inmy 4rth and final yearof Social Work degree, Im now unable to continue with that. My whole life is one fucked up unit. I sit inmy home trying to find reasons not to venture outside for fearof pissing people off. I find myself trying to control myself when I go out the door. I dont think much of suicidal thoughts but at times it would feel welcome. I get anxious wiothout reason and panic seems to come and go like waves. I also suffer from obesity and arthritis. I have recently gone off Arapax and found it totally useless. I find sometimes I cant remember things immediatley after I put them down. I really dont know what to do with myself anymore....its just bloody amazing what I am feeling and the way I am handling things. I have been on myown now for some 10 years, I have a small few friends who I am gradually losing because I find it difficult to be around them. Im so full of rage and anger atthelack of outcome of what has happened to me, that I seem to live on these emotions each day. Lately Ive taken to reading incest stories on the internet to get my jollies off. After I become sick with guilt. Its become totally addictive. The worst thing is I know how wrong it is as I grew up with sibling incest. I now feel like a perpertrator of incest becuase I have taken to reading these things. Normal pornography doesn't do much for me at all. Anyway if anyone has answer tell me PLEASE. By the way I have a group about borderlines setup on the following URL, if anyone wants to join up go here...we can chat discuss and add heaps of relevant information...Im just kicking it off so the more people interested the better...maybe we can organise regular chat sessions or something I dont know anyway see you if you get there http://www.egroups.com/group/borderlines-arepeople/