Question:
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in June of 1996 while in the United
States Marine Corps. I was discharged as unfit for further duty in December
of 1997. I earned a Bachelor's Degree in Finance, and I also was selected
class valedictorian, with a 4.0 GPA. All of this seems to be of no avail
however. I am currently working at Radio Shack for minimum wage while I
take a Calculus class I need to enter into the top tier Business Schools. I
am finding it difficult to concentrate on anything for any period of time,
setting myself up for yet another disaster in the process. I have been
staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning just doing stupid games on my
computer instead of doing something productive like studying or research. I
know what I need to do, my mind just switches gears so fast that my hands
can't keep up. Additionally, my job at Radio Shack is minimum wage or
commission, so I get stressed out over whether or not I'm maxing out my
numbers.
I wonder if anyone else is dealing with these kinds of distractors and
how they maintain their self-esteem when things go wrong.
Answer:
I believe i started having symptoms of BP in college too. May be it a
stressful time that finally brings out the illness, I don't know. By the end
of my college career, I was not reading any of the books. The night before I
sat and highlighted every thing I needed. I still managed to get on the
dean's list and get a 3.4 grade point after over all.
I got to a point whjere I couldn't read anymore. Couldn't concentrate long
enough, couldn't take in what I did read, couldn't sit still. I forgot how
much i enjoyed reading.
I used to love to read. I remember growing up i would get a favorite
book...like Trixie Belden or a comic book or even the "Life of Jesus" book
from my mother's Catholic marriage set.
I still buy a lot of books, my partner keeps telling me to stop buying them
because I never read them.
At least now, on the Neurontin, i have slowed down, not to zombie mode, but
slow enough to start to introduce reading to my life again. I am reading
magazine now. I hope soon I will be able to start reading whole books. Some
of those dusty ones that overfill the bookcase that almost reaches the
ceiling.
Let me tell you, I realized a couple of days ago after I started to feel
really good, that I could hear my own voice coming out of my mouth. I had
been so detached before and so many things had rushed from my brain to my
mouth that I no longer had the sense or the attchment to the sounds (words) my
mouth was saying. It was a detachment that felt like I was not the one
talking. I was not thinking of what I was saying as i said it, it just fell
out of my mouth. That is a weird feeling. It's like talking again for the
first time almost. Being connected to a part of you that you don't realize is
do important until you lost that connection and then regained it. What a
difference it makes in placing you inthe moment, connecting you to your
existence.
The pdoc is the person you need to coordinate your getting well with...you
tell them in as detailed ways as you can even though youthink it's something
too weird that you are sensing or feeling. The pdoc will be able to put the
pieces together and give you the best help.
If you have depression you have to treat that
If you have hypomania and you are swinging, you have to treat that.
Your moods need to be stabilized if you are in a mixed state.
Some anti-depressants cause BPs to swing more...so you have to watch that.
Mood stablilizers there are a lot of them. As I said i am on Neurontin for a
month, which is new for treating BPs...it's a seizure med. Many take Lithium
or Depakote or a combination of the two. And there are others.
I am not on an anti-depressant right now, but one may need to be added if i
get into a depression. I feel really good! I am happy.
Each person is different, but it is best to get started now on the med trials
befcause one the works great for one BP may not for another BP.
Just remember YOU are in charge of your mind and body. If you aren't feeling
good on a ned after 4-6 weeks then you probably need to try something else.
you need to make it clear to the pdoc that you want to change.
