Question:
does anyone who has experience with anger management situations know if
this is remotely realistic for BM to request? (I know that referring to our BM
and realistic in the same sentence is a contradiction in terms.)
Answer:
Courts recommend anger management courses all the time. I can't say I'm
particularly impressed with the efficacy rate, but it seems that the courts
feel the need to address mental health issues, even if it is in a most cursory
way. In some ways, I feel like it can almost be a disservice to the people
involved, as it may preempt the possibility of getting therapy.
As far as your situation goes, I would suspect that the court would be more
likely to INSIST on the (previously ordered) family therapy, although, if it
finds any substance to her anxiety, then it may also (concurrently) order anger
management classes.
If I were you, I'd take the psychologist's advice: communicate through
writing, only when necessary. Is there a reason you haven't done it this way?
this is an opportunity to really talk about what you guys want.
Do you *want* to communicate with BM? Because the negative dynamics between
Brian and BM aren't just one-sided. As much as I mock my SO and BM for all
their fax wars, it gives them a chance to communicate in some way without
speaking face-to-face, which helps them both stay in control. Brian and
your BM should NOT be speaking directly at this point.
Yeah, I don't know. I think it was okay that Brian felt stressed and said it,
since it's not his regular/constant approach to BM. So one time he felt honest and
told her she was a fucking problem. Hey, the truth hurts :-)
I don't think the courts will buy that BM is traumatized by that. And I don't
think one outburst, vulgar or not, constitutes a need for anger management. Fuck,
if that were the case, I'd be fucking hospitalized!!!!
Actually, anger management classes can be helpful in this kind of situation.
Brian could learn to disengage when he feels a provocation trigger. Or as
several people have said, he could learn to avoid all realtime contact with
this person to give himself a buffer.
